Grandma's Funeral

I spoke at Grandma's funeral today. I wanted to write down most of what it was I shared for memory sake. Also, I had the opportunity of dressing her body in her temple clothes on Friday evening with my mom, Aunt Mary, Aunt Susan and cousin Shelby. It was a neat experience to be able to help with that.

The viewing started at 11:30 and the funeral at 12:30. The viewing was nice, to just be able to chat and catch up with all my family that I don't see often. Then for the funeral, Dale spoke before me. Then the bishop of grandma's ward spoke after me. When Uncle Dale and the others asked me to speak I was a little miffed at first. I told them I didn't know whether I could speak and thought I would mostly just sob into the microphone. They reassured me that that was what they wanted. So I told them okay and that I would be honored.

So here I am at the funeral and I follow a musical number "My Redeemer Lives" sang by Allen Smith, a boy I used to babysit when I was a teenager. He had an amazing voice and the music really touched me. And of course, music makes me cry and this song wasn't any different. I started out my talk already crying. But here is most of what I shared and said in the talk.

I made reference to Allen's song and the third verse said that "He will bring us safely there." I thought of grandma when he sang that and acknowledged that grandma is indeed "there". She was a very good person and is most assuredly with our Heavenly Father.

I am just going to quote what I said from her because it's too hard writing it in past tense.

I was asked to speak representing the family. Uncle Dale told me he would give the eulogy and the bishop would give a spiritual message and my would be somewhere between. They wanted me to speak because of my close relationship with grandma. I told them I would but that I would mostly cry. Well, here I am fulfilling my role as the crier! (Laughs from the congregation.) My tears aren't because I'm not happy for grandma that she is in a better place, they are because I am really, really going to miss seeing her here on earth. Having her missing from family events will be hard.

When I thought about grandma I tried to find a scripture that would explain the kind of person and the life that she lived. I found one in Galatians 5:21-23. Verse 21 talks about what things not to do to inherit the kingdom of God and verse 22-23 shares all of the attributes we should all strive for to enter His kingdom. "But the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance" These verses described grandma perfectly and we need to strive to live by her example.

For the majority of my talk I wanted to reflect on how grandma really did show these attributes in her life. As Dale has shared a few stories and as I have received responses from the family of stories and memories of grandma, I realized we all have very similar memories of her. This is a testimony of her love for all of us. She loved us all equally and treated us all the same, thus we have all had similar experiences with her. Most all of the stories shared fell into three categories. They showed her sense of humor, her food and her service.

Her sense of humor was evident in most everything she said. She was a very funny woman. Now Dale talked about this. 39 and holding, but I remember it as 29 and holding. Aunt Mary is agreeing with me. It was 29 and holding. I couldn't keep track of how old grandma was so I'd always ask her but her response was always the same 29 and holding. She would also say this often..."I'm old enough to know better but too young to care." She would call us potlickers and turkey nerds. When she would burp she would say, "the spiders are barking." Then this is a very funny story that perfectly describes grandma's sense of humor.

I just heard this story this week for the first time and I thought it was really funny. I was off to college when it happened and that's probably why I just barely heard it. My parents were out of town and grandma was put in charge of keeping tabs on James, my brother. One night, he and a couple friends got into a little trouble and ended up in the juvenile hall. My grandma was called to come pick him up. When she got there, she came storming into the building and started railing at the police. She asked how they dared bring a good 16 year old boy into jail at this time of night. "What were you thinking???!" James was released to her and she said to James, "You poor thing. Are you okay? Oh, let's go Taco Bell. That will make you feel all better!" Now James is a good kid, he didn't do anything really that wrong. But still I thought it was so funny that grandma wasn't the least bit upset with James, she was mad at those darn cops!

Her food. There are so many stories that have been shared revolving around her food. I remember her feeding me BLT's and cottage cheese whenever I would visit her at her apartment. It was always Knudsen's cottage cheese too. She always had lemon drops in her car. Sherstin, my cousin that passed away, and Sommer both remember her delicious cinnamon rolls. We all remember her twice baked potatoes. Dale mentioned these and I certainly remember them. My mom makes them now and I have also started making these yummy potatoes. I remember that Sommer and I would both go home with a bag full of those twice baked potatoes that we would eat for the next week at college. Grandma would make them for Thanksgiving, or anytime she would come help Dale and Susan with the kids, then send the extra with us to school. It was great! She made homemade rolls and bread. She taught me how to make strawberry freezer jam. Will remembers her burrito base. Dale also mentioned this food. James remembers her drinking crystal light after she was diagnosed with diabetes. We love grandma's spaghetti sauce. Then of course, my fondest memories of her food were the hot cereal served in pie tin's that we ate every single morning. Oatmeal, cream of wheat, and malt-o-meal. I haven't eaten oatmeal again up until about six months ago! I grew so tired of it. Recently, I decided I'd better expose my children to this wonderful and healthy food so for the first time in 20 years I am eating oatmeal again.

Her service. Grandma would help all of the families if they needed help with the grandchildren. I remember her traveling to Dale and Susan's often to do this. I loved it because then I'd be able to visit and see her while I was at BYU with not a lot of other of family around. Over and over grandma's letters were mentioned. She would write all of the missionaries weekly. And although, I wasn't serving a mission, I still received letters from grandma on a very regular basis. I loved this. It made me feel very loved. Grandma served many years at the Portland temple. She was an ordinance worker there for a long time. A special memory I have of her concerning the temple was when I went through for my own endowment. Grandma was the ordinance worker that took me through the ordinances. Grandma was always positive. A memory Drew has of grandma was having grandma tell him every ten minutes or so, that he was a fine young man and that I was very lucky to have married such a guy. (This was as grandma's memory was fading, she wouldn't remember the compliment she just paid you and you would be the lucky recipient of compliments over and over.:)) Grandma and grandpa put a family friend through a mission, just prior to Dale and George going on their missions. They often helped others this way. Then the last memory that many of us share was grandma's willingness to teach us cribbage and Yahtzee. She would play these games for hours at a time if someone was willing to with her. We all loved this time with her.

Elder Holland, just this morning in Conference talked about missed opportunities when it comes to thanking those that we love for all that they've done for us. He urged us to take the opportunity to say thank you now, before it's too late. I want to tell grandma thank you now for all that she has done for all of us. She was a wonderful example of love and we would do well to live by that example. I am thankful for the last couple of years that I've had the chance to have grandma stay with me occasionally and take care of her like she took care of me. I wish that I had had more chances to do this. I told my mom that we needed to bring grandma down so that she would be with family. If she died, at least she would die with family near her. These will also be fond memories for me, as I remember the times I was able to be with during these last years of her life.

What can we do to honor grandma and carry on her legacy? Some of us might learn to make her cinnamon rolls and bread. When you do, send that bread my way, or teach me how! Maybe we ought to volunteer at the temple. Or, maybe, we should simply forgive one another and grow closer as a family. Take the time to get together as her posterity. We could help those around us as grandma and grandpa did.

I will miss grandma immensely but I look forward to the day that I get to be with her again. I am thankful that we have the knowledge we do, through the gospel, that we will be together again. I love you grandma and look forward to the day that I see you again. In the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.

Looking back on the time I was able to spend with grandma her last couple of days. Drew and I attended his grandma's funeral on Sept. 23rd and that night I got a call from mom saying that grandma was not doing well and probably had only a couple of days before she would be gone. I just balled and balled the rest of the night. I was supposed to go to Blackfoot the next morning to attend the burial for Grandma Benson, but instead hitched a ride with my Uncle John and Aunt Sherry to Portland to see grandma. We got there Friday night late, but we all felt the need to see her then just in case she didn't make it through the night. We got there at about 10:00 and Aunt Mary and Uncle Randy were there with her. I just sobbed a little and gave her a good hug and told her I loved her. She was able to respond back to me that she loved me too. Then we told grandma we wanted to bring her Taco House the next day. You should have seen her smile! You wouldn't have thought it possible to see such a bright smile on such a weak face. She looked like that might just be her last indulgence on this earth and that would be fine with her. We told her we would come back the next morning to see her some more, but to sleep for now. Apparently she didn't have a restful night that night and Mary came early to find grandma in quite a lot of pain. Mom and I got there a little later and I did grandma's nails while I visited this time. It took forever to get the old nail polish off, but once I did and trimmed, filed, and painted them again, they looked really nice. I left early afternoon and mom, Will, Diana and Colton went to get some lunch at Taco House, in grandma's honor.

I went back that night and stayed with grandma. I slept on a mattress on the floor and stayed with her. She slept all night long because I gave the staff instruction to leave her alone and just let her rest. She did really well and didn't need morphine until 5:30 in the morning and only because I wanted them to premedicate her so I could change her sheets and clothes without hurting her too much. So at 6:00 I was able to change these for her and get her cleaned up a little. It was the last time I would end up doing this for her while alive. Mary and Randy relieved me that morning at 8:00 and I went to church with mom and dad, Brian, Will, Diana, and Colton. After the meetings we headed back to the house and from there went to see grandma once more before the dinner my mom was hosting for all of the family in town at 2. While there Dale and George gave grandma a blessing and we all ended up balling by the end. We all took one last chance to talk to grandma and by the time we were done her breathing changed to that end of life breathing where you stop breathing for a bit, then start up again, like you're trying to catch your breath. She did this for quite a while, while we all sit there staring at her. So finally, everyone except George, Toots and I left. I stayed there because I was certain that she would pass any minute. Well, as it turned out, her breathing returned to normal and I headed back to my parents for the dinner. While there, that's when I was asked to speak at the funeral. Most of the family left and went to see grandma one last time before heading home to Washington. After they got there, Dale called us and said grandma was really close and to hurry over. My mom and I went over and found her peacefully sleeping. We stayed for a little while and it seemed grandma was going to hang on a little longer. My mom brought me back to the house, then she headed back to sleep with grandma for the night. Not long after my mom got there grandma passed away with just her, my mom, and my mom's friend Diane in the room. I think everyone is right, she wanted to pass without all of us staring at her. :) I would be the same way. I left the next morning with Will and Diana to head back to Salt Lake. It was an emotional weekend. Then we all headed back Thursday night to be there for the funeral. I'm so glad I had those last few hours with grandma. I will never regret taking that long drive to get there. I will always remember her love for me and look forward to seeing her again.

A few other memories of grandma:

She loved Blazer games.
Her pressure cooker blew up in the kitchen and made the biggest mess when my mom was young. (Vancouver)
She always bought Tillamook cheese.