Reminiscing

There are many reasons for keeping a blog...duh, as though the world couldn't figure that out without me stating the obvious. :) Mine is for future generations and keeping track of what we, as a family, are doing, accomplishing and feeling. Right now I'm sitting in a hotel room reminiscing on the days when I was far more thorough in my blogging and wondering why some things go by the wayside. For me, a baby and being a mother have taken presidence and it has left me with less time to sit at a computer without my little one climbing all over me. This climbing makes it very difficult to type! I also realize that not everything is peaches and cream and sometimes I'm not sure I want that documented for all time. I would love to feel like we're the perfect family, we have nothing but peace in our home, none of us, ever, struggle with behavior/mental issues and we as a whole do things well and happily in order to carry a very large family to the eternities. Well, this is NOT reality in our home, we do struggle with peace, behavior/mental instability, and we are constantly trying to be better individuals. What is wrong with that? The answer is...nothing! We were sent to this earth to LEARN to be become perfect. We most likely won't accomplish it on this earth, but in the eternities, I think we will. So, here is my first confession. I have struggled with mild depression for a very long time. I read back in my journals as a teenager and realized I was probably stuggling with depression even way back then. It has come and gone through the years, without me even realizing it. I went through a difficult time in highschool and it took me years to get over this particular let down. I look back on it now and think, "Why did you waste so many years feeling sad over that?!" The truth is, I didn't realize then, what I was experiencing and didn't have the tools to work through it quicker. Well, here I am almost 20 years later and I still experience depression, to a mild degree, occasionally. I do tend to look at situations and think negatively about them and I do this more when I am under more stress. The difference is, now, I do have the tools to deal with it and move on. The first step for me, is admitting that I do , indeed, experience depression. Thankfully, for me, I only experience it mildly. I feel very bad for those that experience depression more severly than I do because what I experience is bad enough. I couldn't imagine how difficult life would seem, and be, if I experienced depression any worse than I do now. For those individuals, professional help is a must. For me, I am able to tackle this with just changing how I "think" about the experiences I have in life. There, I've said it. Next step, is taking this new way of thinking and applying it to life. That is the tough part. It is not easy and I will probably struggle and compare and do all of those destructive, womenly, things we do. But I will perservere and in the end, learn from these hard times and become stronger because I struggled through it. Trials truly do make you a stronger person. You have to make a conscience decision to not let them get you down. And if they do, you seek help. Some of what has been hard for me are: 1. Moving 2. feeling inadequate for service, being a mother, the list goes on and on for this one... 3. feeling like I don't measure up to others. I know,...bad, bad, bad... Yet, these things are a reality for me and I need to deal with them. That is what I mean when I say, I need to change my thinking. It is not easy, but I'll get there.